The laws of biking in Amsterdam

This is not even a lot of bikes

This is not even a lot of bikes

If you live in Amsterdam, you will get to know the laws of biking. Ignore these laws at your peril. If you think you will not cycle in Amsterdam (I did) you are wrong. You will cycle, and you will like it, and you will complain whenever you are forced to use public transport because it is expensive and slow. Biking is awesome (except when the weather is really horrible, for instance when it snows, and even then “real” Amsterdammers will bike) and good for you and the environment. You are not really an Amsterdammer before you regularly go around on your bike.

The laws of biking in Amsterdam

  1. You will bike in Amsterdam.
  2. Murphy’s law of biking: The wind is always against you.
  3. Corollary to law 2: The wind will be against you no matter which way you turn.
  4. Trams are designed to lure unsuspecting bikers onto their tracks, and then tram-ple them.
  5. Red lights do not apply to Dutch cyclists.
  6. Foreigners who think law 5 also applies to them may get tram-pled.
  7. Your bike will get stolen.
  8. Corollary to law 7: an expensive lock is better than an expensive bike.
  9. You will lose the keys to your bike lock and have to cut it off.
  10. You will forget where you left your bike, among thousands of other bikes in the area.
  11. Take OV (public transport) and be late. Take the bike and be on time.
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