Praying in a Church
In February a Russian punk band called Pussy Riot got into a Cathedral in Moscow and performed a punk song , actually a prayer to the Virgin Mary, called “Our Lady, chase Putin out.” (Read about it here and here). I understand it was somewhat lewd and it was sung in a holy area where only priests were meant to go. It probably startled the priests, infuriated them. But they deserved to be startled. And so does Russia, where Putin’s reign is, by all accounts, tyrannical, and where the church is doing nothing but help it along. In my opinion Pussy Riot had entered a place long defiled and prayed publicly the prayer the church should be constantly praying all through Putin’s reign.
Three of the band’s members are on trial, with little hope, it seems of it being fair. They could face seven years in prison. Putin’s grip on the country is still strong. It may be a long time before their prayer is heard.
Living as art
I think artists may agree with me that a person’s life can be viewed as a work of art. It can create something of beauty, something that men can (potentially) look at afterwards and feel the emotions of your experiences, the lasting effects of your having lived.
I do not know if my life will be remembered (more than likely within a century of my death, I will be forgotten). But I like to think that God will see my life, and all my mistakes, and endeavours, my trials and good fortunes, and that He will appreciate it. Perhaps that is humanity’s purpose.
Of course lives need not be beautiful, they can be ugly. Without exception, though, they will contain emotion – and that is the basic stuff of art. I however, hope, that my life will be beautiful.
Here is a poem that I wrote quite some time ago that expresses this idea.
God, all I want is to live a beautiful life make my blood the paint and my soul the brush for the coarse canvas tattered and torn and inconstant make my heart the words and my tongue the pen for the yellowed page charred and doused with tears make my lips the notes and my voice the instrument to cover the worldly din silent of character and gentleness make my memory the statue and my life the chisel that hacks this cold marble unrepenting and hard until its smooth and warm and it seems to live and to testify to a life to admire
The church in the red light district
(The following is based on an article I wrote for ISN Insiders magazine entitled “Meeting God in Amsterdam”. If you have already read this article, you may wish to only read the poem)
I often visit the red light district, in Amsterdam’s city centre. Here I walk past windows luridly lit with red lights, where prostitutes display themselves. A man (who appears to be acting as a pimp) yells “girls, sex for free”. Across the street a “coffee shop” sells cannabis to curious tourists. Just across from another such shop, and right in front of a row of red-lit windows, is my destination, “De Oude Kerk”, the oldest church in Amsterdam.
Visiting De Oude Kerk is a deeply spiritual experience. I am a Christian, brought up as such in a conservative Afrikaans home in South Africa. Faced with the almost laughable contrast of the beautiful church (which still has services every Sunday) and its debauched surroundings, I cannot but contemplate the nature of humanity, and of faith. Such contemplation has been the hallmark of my experience in Amsterdam.
The Netherlands is very secular with a declining religious population. One reads in the newspapers of Churches being sold and used for other purposes because they no longer have congregations. I do not think any Christian can hear this and visit De Oude Kerk without mourning. The Good News should be spreading, not retreating. In fact, not long after first visiting De Oude Kerk I wrote a poem about it.
how can you invite me?
when I stand in front of those walls
(you see them, you must, through the lurid glass)
that for 700 years
have condemned it
that should condemn it still
oh dear God, are you still there?
do you laugh at the old church coffee shop’s
mockery?
the church that is the neighbour of prostitutes
and dopers
calling by its very presence them
to enter
and so many do, and look and gawp and awe and marvel
but look not on God
God is the juggler in the plein
a few coins in his hat
and no hearts
The feelings of this poem are true. I do not think they are wrong. But they are not the whole story either. It is tempting to dismiss Amsterdam as an immoral city, now Godless. This would be a mistake. Amsterdam is no more immoral than any other major city. It is just more open. Underlying Dutch culture seems to be the belief that people should have the freedom to make decisions about religion, lifestyle, sex, orientation, and so on. There is no judgement here.
The red light district and the coffee shops are a testament to this attitude. But so is the church right in its heart and other Christian organisations that have placed themselves there. In many areas of the city you can see Muslim women wearing their Hijabs. I am glad to be in a country where people are free to express their deepest beliefs, free to explore, free both to find and to reject God. (It is worrisome to me that an anti-immigration and anti-Islam political movement has recently gained some footing, polluting this atmosphere).
Amsterdam is not a Godless city. God is present in the passionate community of Christians that still live here (the Christians I have met have been very passionate). He is present in the many beautiful churches that abound in the city. He is present in me.
Amsterdam is definitely a place to grow spiritually. There are enough English-speaking Christian denominations that any Christian can find a home. However, in this cosmopolitan city you can easily surround yourself with people with viewpoints that differ radically from your own. Be willing to listen. Your preconceived notions will be challenged – do not hold to them too tightly. You may hear about the differences in the practice of Islam in Iran and in other Arab countries. You may speak to vegans and reconsider what you eat. You are certain to meet plenty of atheists.
Like me, you may well often find yourself the only Christian in a group of students, many of whom are curious to hear about your faith. When you have to explain your beliefs to others, it is no longer possible to take them for granted. You may find yourself meeting God anew, or even for the first time.
Unsolitary reading
In her TED talk about introversion Susan Cain speaks of reading being a communal activity in her family. I can understand something of that. I am often not alone when I read, and I do not mind it. More often than not though, I am the only person in the room reading. It is comforting, less lonely, to have others in the room, even if you don’t necessarily want to have a conversation. For an introvert (my family consists of introverts) conversations can be draining. Alone time is vital. Just being busy with your own thing (more often than not, being immersed in a book) seems to give a sense of togetherness without the drain of full social interaction. I know of some people that cannot handle ambient noise at all, which you cannot escape if you are not alone, but it is, perhaps, exactly this ambient noise and other subtle indications of the other person or persons’ presence that allows you to feel you’re not alone. In any case, I wrote the following poem (and this blog post) while my brother was doing his own thing on his computer
Just let me sit here and read
next to you
i don’t want to talk
i just want the sound of your fingers on the keys
the groan of your chair
the flow of air as you breathe
i just want your presence
when i laugh, exclaim
you don’t need to ask why
i don’t want you to ask
i just want you to hear
to glance at me, with a smile
or a grimace
to interrupt whatever you’re busy with for just a moment
and then to carry on
and leave me to my book
Meditations of Lambchop 